and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
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I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
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If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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