Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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