my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
