ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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