she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Damn victory sex feels great
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
