I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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