totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
