After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
