all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
