He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
