Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
50% drunk capacity currently
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
