Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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