i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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