Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
