I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
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