woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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