i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
