I just pynch a tree in the face
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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