Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
