wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The police scanner is talking about you again....
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
