so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
