Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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