he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
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You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
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I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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