happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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