It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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