We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
