I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
