Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
