I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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