she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
vagina is talking i cant
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
