i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
it's like iHOP with fire
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
No...this little piggys going to the bar
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
