I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
