i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
