oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
