So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
