meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
