i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.