plz talk dirty to me
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
