Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
