thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
vagina is talking i cant
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
