You can't motorboat a personality
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My pussy is not your playground.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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