I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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