Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
