And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
the day after is always just damage control
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
