Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
