I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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