just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
