I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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