From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
