Got a toothbrush?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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