Whod you bang
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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