im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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