I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
