Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
