I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
