Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
