What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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