last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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