Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
These tits shall not be calmed
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
