i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
