K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
