It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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