He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
